Being responsible is a necessary virtue, but being over-responsible can have deep-rooted reasons. The fact that we think we need to please others can end up making us feel that we should be responsible for everything – even the things that we have no control over. “Over-responsible people are people-pleasers who suppress and repress themselves to prioritise others and to minimise or eliminate conflict, criticism, rejection, disappointment and loss. They often do good things for the wrong reasons because they don’t know another way of coping. There are many reasons why we learn to become over responsible which I will share in another post. You can choose to be and do things that feel more authentic to you. In doing so, you can really begin to heal and stop the repetition of past hurts,” wrote Therapist Lalitaa Suglani. Here are a few signs that we are over-responsible.
Guilty saying no: We feel that we should not tell how we feel or how we are truly because that may make us end up not being liked by others. Thinking of everyone else as a priority, we pretend to be onboard with things that we do not want to be a part of.
Struggle asking for help: We think that we should be capable enough to take care of our things. Hence, when we struggle, we have a difficult time asking for help. In fact, we also struggle receiving help from others.
Deprioritise our needs: We have the innate need to be liked by others. Hence, we put everyone else as a priority but ourselves. Our needs, wants and expectations are never prioritised, and this can end up making us feel frustrated with time.
Assume that others won’t be responsible: We always assume that others won’t take up responsibility for things – hence, we take up that responsibility and end up having too much on the plate at all times.
People’s emotions: We think we are responsible for the way people feel. Hence, we take on their emotions and try to do everything in our control to make them feel good.