When we are brought up in homes with no boundaries or loving caregivers, we tend to develop the habit of people-pleasing in the later years of our lives. People-pleasing comes with its own set of challenges. The constant need for external validation and love from others keeps us on our toes to prioritise others over ourselves at all times. However, this can be extremely frustrating. Slowly, the sense of resentment and irritation starts to grow. One of the key signs of people-pleasing is the absence of healthy boundaries. Since we prioritise others and their emotions so much that we fail to set boundaries for ourselves.
“Even after setting the most thoughtful boundary, we often still feel guilty afterward. That’s why it’s important to have the right tools for after boundary-setting self-care. When I feel guilty after setting a boundary, I like to soothe myself through the guilt by calling a friend with whom I can openly share that I’ve set a boundary that I am proud of but also feel guilty about. It helps me celebrate the boundary-setting event as a win rather than letting me drown in guilt and shame,” wrote Therapist Klara Kernig.
Here are a few habits that we think are kind but are actually signs of people-pleasing:
ALSO READ: How people pleasing can serve as a defense mechanism
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Agreeing to plans that we don’t want to be a part of: We have a difficult time saying no to people. Hence, we get onboard with ideas and plans that deep down we do not want to be a part of.
Avoid setting boundaries: This is one of the most harmful things that we end up doing in people-pleasing. Be it in our personal lives or our professional space, setting boundaries is extremely important.
Ignoring our own needs: We prioritise others so much that we end up pushing our own needs down the priority list. This makes us feel frustrated and resentful.
Pretending to agree with others: We try to avoid conflict or disagreement at any cost – hence, we end up pretending to agree with others.
Apologise excessively: We are constantly in fear that people will dislike us. Hence, we end up apologising for mistakes that we have not made.
